We did counseling through the church. It was required to get married there. We did individual sessions and group sessions.
We had already talked about things we felt were important, such as religion, finances, and children. We also discussed little things like household responsibilities, which seems small until they aren't getting done. Then it is a big issue. We talked about family roles and extended families. For the record, nothing we talked about in those sessions or in our conversations was our undoing.
I am a fan of prenuptual agreements as well. It is much easier to deal with the "what if" questions when everyone is getting along than after things go awry. I never imagined I would be divorced. Ever. My family--and his--were people who married for life. But it didn't turn out that way, and several people said they never saw a faster or easier divorce. If you never need it, great. If you do need it, you'll be glad you had it.
I am showing my ignorance here, but I am not very familiar with pre-nupts. It's basically an agreement that whatever you come into the marriage wiht is what you leave with right? So if he owned a house and I was living in an apartment, if we divorced, he would keep the house instead of me getting half?
Do you update prenupts throughout the years as your situation changes (ie: having kids?)
My novio and I have just finished going over our prenup. Usually for prenups each of you will need a lawyer. Just contact them (family law) and get one set up. Our prenup is about 20 pages long. Lots of legal jargon. But it's basically the same thing written over and over again. You should sign your prenup at least a month before getting married.
For finances my novio and I live together. We split everything. Everything is 50/50. EXCEPT FOR the debt he already has. That he takes care of.
When we marry and move back to the USA we plan to have "yours", "mine" and "ours" accounts. "Our" account will be for everything. All the money we earn will go into it and that's how we'll pay for everything. But I will continue to have "my" accounts which is basically my savings, retirement, stocks, etc. It is not allowed to be touched by him. He knows that. I'm happy with pooling all the money I make from this day on with his earnings and splitting everything. BUT the savings I already have stays mine. (that's also basically what the prenup says)
Even the DH and I did not do premarital counseling I know couples who have and I think it's a great idea. I think it would only benefit the two of you.
The teachers at my school the other day tell me that their therapist cleans the house for them. They further explained that they refer to their housemaids as their therapists. They're cheaper, and your house stays clean. (Seeing as 90% of all the fights I have with my BF are about our respective messes in our apartment, I can see their point -- If you're lucky, you might even get one of the wise old woman housecleaners and she would be able to give you better advice than a therapist would.)
The teachers at my school the other day tell me that their therapist cleans the house for them. They further explained that they refer to their housemaids as their therapists...If you're lucky, you might even get one of the wise old woman housecleaners and she would be able to give you better advice than a therapist would.)
I like that.
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Originally Posted by JustMe
A prenupt can say that...but it doesn't have to. You have the ability to write it as you see fit. And yes, you can update it through the marriage.
Thank you for the clarification.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lucybelle
My novio and I have just finished going over our prenup. Usually for prenups each of you will need a lawyer. Just contact them (family law) and get one set up. Our prenup is about 20 pages long. Lots of legal jargon. But it's basically the same thing written over and over again. You should sign your prenup at least a month before getting married...
Thank you for clarifying and for the further breakdown of how you and your novio are planning to do finances. That's the thing that is stressing me...I'm not so much worried that I am going to be taken advantage of, I just don't want us to get in over our heads or for him to feel like I am taking advantage and using "I make less money than you" as an excuse not to pull my weight.
We don't have his or her accounts. It's one account. Other then the grocery store I don't go shopping anywhere on a regular basis. I almost always check with him before I go shopping, just to make sure that we have money.
I like that. 
